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Stuff of cheesesWhats up all? =) June 28 Went as a 'man', going again as a 'person'; humbledHey everyone, Ezra here again. Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been rather busy. Just for you guys who dont know I've moved over to singapore last friday. I'll be staying in woodlands for the time being and I thought I'd write a little post in commemoration of my departure, haha. Anyway, the last time I stayed in SG was in my first year, around 2 years ago. I'd like to believe that I was alot more arrogant at the time. I used to think that staying alone was a really 'manly' kind of thing, and taking time away from my family to be an independent student 'overseas' was a really mature thing. I kinda had overestimations of my own ability as a student after scoring my 10 A's in my SPM. Hahaha, how wrong I was. Looking back, everything seems a bit clearer now. How God used my entire time in poly up to today to mold my character. Breaking down all the prode and arrogance I had. I guess I'm thankful to God for allowing me to grow so much in his grace and most importantly in guiding me along a more in depth relationship with him. So, lots of stuff happened over the years. Dissapointment, utter failure, lots of hurt, lots of hurting others, situations that have tested my patience to the brink, and most importantly; humbling. So it truly is amazing how God can burst into a persons life and change it from the inside out - from an arrogant kid to a (hopefully) more mature and humble servant of Christ, from a boy who had little knowledge and intimacy with his great God to a young adult who wants to gain more wisdom from his heavenly father. Anyway, I'm still going to be back weekly, no worries there. Heres to all my readers, hoping that I've managed to touch your lives somehow, somewhere along my road to heaven. This is Ezra signing out >=) June 09 FWP 2 - You have LOST your first love, the LOVE OF CHRIST. Hey all, I just came back from this years Fast Wait Pray (FWP) at the Glory Prayer House at Seremban, and man was it something else. I'm just going to try and pen down a few things I've learned throughout the whole 3 days 2 nights. We had no agenda to base the FWP on. Yoshua (director of the MYPG) decided that we should all pray about it and let God decide the course of the two days. So we prayed, from 12 to 2 that night. Slowly, we managed to piece together the visions recieved by the rest of the leaders.The message though was as clear as day: We had ALL lost our first love of Christ. Huh? But we were all leaders weren't we? All of us were taking care of various LYPG related things. Then the cold hard reality struck us; We all were praying for revival in Malaysia, but for what? To see more people come to the LYPG? To make Malaysia a better place? WE were supposed to preach the gospel to bring people to Christ! Also, God told us that we were not broken enough, and that if we took away God from our lives it wouldn't have impacted us much. I was shocked, cause this was true. We pray for desperation, but we're not nearly as desperate as we should be. Take God out of our lives and there wouldn't be any difference! I came to the FWP looking for solace, a peace of mind. What I got instead was such deep sorrow, sorrow at how superficial our christianity is today. We claim to be christians but all we have is a form of Godliness without its power, we are defeated christians! The reoccuring verse throughout all the sessions was Hosea 6: 1-2 Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days [HE] will revive us; All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away - Isaiah 64:6 We think we are so holy, but are we any different from any smoker on the side of the street? Don't our minds move towards sin at every single chance we get? We are ALL SINNERS and by Gods grace we are saved. So the agenda for the FWP was repentance, a time of regaining our lost first love and praying for brokennes in our lives. I'd really love to type more, but I just dont think I can put it all into words. You guys can go to this blog for the general proceedings. Let me just leave you guys with a very challenging statement: We can never say God is everything to us, until God is all we have. Leaders, take up your crosses. This is Ezra signing out. May 26 Part 2 Broken - only to be made into something meaningful? So today I went to my CF weekly gathering and the guest speaker was a senior staff of the campus crusade. His message was about brokenness and how God could use hurt to shape a persons life. Just like Job who only knew God during his suffering, we can only truly understand God's goodness after all the trials and pain. Moses (the senior staff member) shared about his brush with pain and how it shaped his life. His daughter suffered from extensive kidney damage from birth. A few years after her birth it came to a point where things were so desperate that he asked God to either take his daughter away or heal her. Thankfuly, His daughter is now recovering from a kidney transplant. The whole thing helped me understand how God might have felt sending Jesus to die and to suffer. I have to admit that I've always taken this fact for granted. How would I feel if I knew that my kid (possibly in the future) was suffering from Kidney failure as well? Suffering yourself is bearable, but watching someone you love suffer? I'm sure Moses must have understood God's feelings somewhat but for me even the thought of it hurt so badly. Moses then made a statement that I think I won't forget soon; "You must be broken greatly by God before you can be used greatly by Him", and then I was in tears. My years through poly have been nothing if not painful but to think that all the pain and suffering I've ever faced, all the hurt I've faced was just a stepping stone to greater heights in Gods glory. I can't explain the comfort that came with that thought. Peace and Comfort So here I am, broken as I am, but filled with the knowledge that God still cares for me. Is there any greater love than that? May 21 Part 1 Jesus - God or human? First of all I want to apologize. It's been who knows how long since my last post and due to my busy-ness (grammatical error much?) I haven't had any time to write a post. I've mentioned some whence in my previous posts that I write only when I'm inspired. It's those great moments of inspiration - which I believe come from God himself- that stun me at times. Thats the power of the Holy Spirit for you! Anyway, I'm going to be talking about a few things based on John 11. Which for my christian brothers and sisters might be something you all might have studied before. Those of you who are new to this take attention though! 1Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair. A little background info. Lazarus was Jesus' dear friend and was deathly sick. Mary and Martha therefore called Jesus to come visit them, believing that if Jesus did come their brother would be saved. 11After he had said this, he went on to tell them, "Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up." It's amazing to note that Jesus knew that Lazarus was already dead by the time he was about to leave for Judea! Not really surprising considering Jesus was and is God. 33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. These portions of the chapter never fail to amaze me. Jesus cried? He knew he could raise Lazarus but yet He was sad? It's so amazing when I actually realize that Jesus is so much more than the stereotyped God, who sits on His heavenly throne above but a friend in whom all christians have a relationship with! 43When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" How much more personal can things get? Jesus was definitely human to show such emotions, but to have such power over all things would make Him God wouldn't it? I believe thats exactly what it is, Jesus who was God gave himself to be born human. He knew all about lifes harshness; rejection and pain, joy and happiness, which is why as a christian I have such hope of greater things! Okay, I've just decided to dub this section part one, mainly for your ease of reading. It's my hope that you guys try to take this in especially those who have a heart for God's knowledge! This is Ezra signing out - temporarily! =) May 01 Our little trip to the beach! Hey everyone. It's been a while since I've updated anything hasn't it? I know this won't do the whole outing much justice but I'll just make this a short post. We went to Desaru by bus and van. All in all there were a total of 70 people and thats a whole lot! We immediately started off with worship and games, which lasted a mighty long time! After lunch we ALL went down into the water, and man did we stay there for a long time! Me and the guys (gals also of course) must have played in the water for at least 2 hours ( with sunburns to remember). It was totally awesome being swept in and out by the waves! Anyway, If theres something to be thankful for, it's the great weather. This whole event jusst re-stresses to me the importance of constant prayer to God. I've just heard that it rained heavily in JB, complete with thunder and all, but all we got while at the beach was a slight drizzle that didn't even last half an hour! We prayed for good weather, and our father in heaven definitely gave it to us today! So, awesome trip! A great chance to fellowship and learn more about the other groups in Hebron especially among the other CGs! This is Ezra signing out. =) April 12 Love that died and rose again Hey everybody Happy Easter! I just came back from church and man am I ever tired. This whole week has been a rush, lots of things happening and real fast too. Today I just want to wish everyone a Happy Easter. There used to be a time in my life where easter was just another sunday, sure there were presentations, sometimes people even distributed eggs and stuff, but it was just another day wasn't it? Well, not this time thanks to pastor Daniels stations of the cross. I believe we were busy for a reason and a good one at that! Anyway. I'm still feeling a bit blue but I think I've narrowed down the reasons a bit. As a so called 'youth leader' I've always wanted to do more things for God, always wanted to see things happening. However, one of my biggest weakneses is that I get discouraged easily, a remnant of my childhood hurts perhaps? Eitherway, I've always tried to tell myself that things will happen eventually, but more often than not I feel really alone in my quest. Where is my Elisha? My Timothy? Where is my right hand man? Being at the boundary between youth and young adult, added to the language barrier between my youth, and my own personal demons, things have always been tough. But theres also always that nagging voice in my head (and around me) that pulls me down, that sends me into lapses of anxiety, Is this what they call thinking too much? Is it too much to ask for someone on the same wavelength as me? However, I know that this is probably the time got has alloted for me to grow. Ezra Sin, 20 this year, no longer a kid, but now learning to be a man in Christ. Yeah, that would be cool. Paul said that when he was a child he acted like a child, but when he grew up, he put his childish ways behind him. I'm in that phase and boy, do I ever need God in my life now. So, this is Ezra signing out. God Bless you guys. April 11 I've got alot on my mind, but todays not the day for that. Today is good friday. Today is the day we remember the way our Lord Jesus died for our sins. So, I'll be posting up a few of my reflections for this season. On the Cross, all has been paid. It's true, all my sins were paid for automatically when our Lord Jesus died for us on the cross. All my pride, my anger, my lust, my arrogance, eveything I've done that made me feel so bad I wanted to run from His presence, has already been paid for. The only thing left to do is to acknowledge that and forgive myself. Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Sins that were forgiven, I must lead a new life. Lately, I've been struggling with a mild form of depression, something like prolonged dread and anxiety. I don't know the cause, but it's been affecting my mood quite a bit. Todays Good Friday service reminded me that God is a good God and that he will make our paths righteous if we trust Him. So I'm recommitting my life to You Lord. God has made me a leader, I must respond with the utmost humility. Somehow, the Lord has made me a leader in Hebron and with that post comes the desire to see my youth grow spiritually. But what happens when things don't seem to be moving? God has said that he will do all things in His own time. The hearts He chooses to touch are known to Him only. This is something I've yet to fully learn. I always want to be part of the action, to change peoples lives, to be the one to lead them. However, oftentimes I feel like I'm just trying to grab and keep everything under my own wings, like I'm the lord over them. God says that only through Him will we find rest, and that only he can cause reformations of the spirit, not me. Christ has died for me, not that I might survive, but that I might live I'm a pessimist, I won't deny it. I've always had my fears and anxieties bottled up in me, worrying about things I can't change, never having peace of the mind. I've been changing, slowly, but undeniably changing. I still live with a heavy heart most of the time, more sad than I need to be, more angry than I should be with myself, missing the point of God's saving grace for men. Jesus said to cast all your cares on Him, for He cares. I pray that I may do so too. So, since it's the easter season, let me end with a written prayer. Lord, I know that You've died for me, And yeah, I do forget it sometimes, I'm willfully ignorant, tossing you aside when I choose to sin, calling you back when I need you, Forgive me Lord! I want to start anew Too many pointless things have filled my life, but I pray once again that You would lift me up, remove all anxieties and fears from me, and fill my heart once again. Now Lord, I pray that you would empty me, empty me of all things ungodly, instead, fill my life with the light of Your glory, that I may shine brighter, burn with more passion, and live life unashamed of you. Thank You Lord, and give me courage in your Hope. Amen
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